Author Archives: IlluminatedToast

Flight (Ultimate Freak Show)

by IlluminatedToast

Jump! Jump! Jump!

The crowd shouted rhythmically.

Jump! Jump! Jump!

The ultimate freak show, nationally televised every other Sunday, was always well attended. Ticket prices had been persistently too high. Still the event would sell out within minutes after tickets went up for sale as would the official logo jerseys – black, anthropomorphic shape, limbs sticking out at unusual angles, on red ground.

Jump! Jump! Jump!

The ultimate freak had never backed out in the history of the event, despite contractual obligation stipulating the inclusion of such an option. Nobody really understood the reasons behind the existence of such a clause. Insurance purposes were most frequently speculated about whenever the topic was brought up in conversation which on the whole only very rarely happened. After all, the ultimate freak had never backed out.

Jump! Jump! Jump!

Standing high up on the highway overpass, the ultimate freak would often remain still for a moment, look down, and sway a little before ending the show to the swelling clamour of the crowd; releasing people to buy spicy, roasted MisteriMeatz-on-Stixx – usually something cloven-hoofed; or, as annually resurfacing rumour had it, anything that had crawled close enough to the site to die. Continue reading

Write!

by IlluminatedToast

Your voice is not representative or relatable.

Real writers can do that. You shouldn’t.

You sound like a character in a postmodern novel.

You can’t write about emotions. You don’t understand them.

If you have to make it public, it becomes a dishonest and selfish cry for attention.

Nobody is interested.

Keep it short.

Shorter.

Don’t be silly.

I did not read your answer.

I don’t care.

tl;dr

I am not a good writer.

I am not even average.

Everybody can do it. Why should I?

Nobody is interested. Nobody cares.

It’s pointless. It won’t do any good to anybody.

I don’t have anything to say.

STOP

You have stopped writing for this student newspaper quite a while ago. You have stopped writing altogether. It was probably the single most stupid thing you have ever done and, as the person who regularly swims out too far, gets lost in the woods at least once a month and who once tried to sell her baby brother to her childless neighbours, I can safely say that you have done your fair share of stupid things. Continue reading

11:55

By IlluminatedToast


Got a free period too?

Skipping

Whatcha thinkin’ about?

Shooting people Continue reading