Our first crisis

By Nadine Schwizer

Click here to read the first two entries into this series of columns.

Thursday, 04/02/2016

It’s been almost two weeks since my last post, so you must all be dying wondering what incredible experiences I’ve shared with Gunnie and Alfie lately. Since I wouldn’t want any of my readers to despair having to spend yet another week without any updates, here it comes…

Forgotten are the nights when I was watching everyone else getting drunk and having fun whilst sitting there, far too sober, with my very sexy shoes on my feet and my crutches in my hands for company. Because now, after two and a half weeks already, my relationship with Gunnie and Alfie has reached a whole different level: one where I can do normal things such as dinner parties, walks, or a hair-drying afternoon – always having the best company there with me!

Last Friday, the three of us even made it to my favourite pub together. I think Gun and Al especially liked tipsy me relying on them to “carry” me as I stumbled along –even more than usual, that is. The fact that I was giving them my unlimited attention as I’d left my crutches at home – (quite mistakenly…) believing them to be a nuisance on a night out – must’ve made them feel very good about themselves too, though.

Yet, as things were going so great with Gunnie and Alfie and I got so used to being around them at all times, I made a mistake many people make as their relationships advance: I stopped considering them something special and didn’t appreciate their presence as much as I did in the beginning anymore. So, there it was, our first crisis…

The situation came to a boiling point when I wanted to shower alone (mostly because I couldn’t find any plastic bags to protect Gun and Al from drowning, but still…). So there I was, sitting on the edge of my bathtub, the shower curtain carefully draped behind my back and underneath my arse, trying to get myself cleaned up. Well, to be fair, it did work in that I did get clean. And it did certainly feel good to be alone for once (even though I do love Gunnie and Alfie to bits). Buuuuuut, when I wanted to exit the bathtub and Gunnie and Alfie weren’t there (because I let my flamingo genes shine through to get to the bathroom), I had to find a way to get out of there again.

And let me tell you, it wasn’t easy. Anyway, after I’d almost demolished the radiator trying to hold onto it as I – of course most elegantly – climbed out of the bathtub, I landed in what felt like a bloody sea. So yes… Apparently, I’d set my bathroom under water. Once I’d barely survived jumping through the minor stream that was beginning to flow right into the rest of the flat on one foot, I went back into my room, looked at Gunnie and Alfie, and I just felt so safe as they were back on my feet.

And, of course, my best mates considerably helped me clean up the wet mess I’d made before too. So, I’m telling you now, guys: If you want to know what love is (yup, there the random song pun is again), go get yourself some sexy hallux shoes. Not Gunnie and Alfie though, cause they’re mine!

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