Dr Freud (further called: Dr)
His patient (further called: P)
The setting is the office of Dr. Sigmund Freud. Freud is sitting in his armchair listening to the patient.
P: …And I feel like my life is nothing but an empty trashcan. I go to work, eat, drink and sleep in an unbearably repetitive circle. Whenever I try to find amusement in my free time I get disgusted by the shallowness of our society and find myself avoiding the company I actually crave for. Depriving myself of my utmost desire to be noticed…
Slightly awkward silence while Dr is making notes.
Dr: Yes. I see. You crave for having coitus with your mother.
P (astonished) What? No! How – I haven’t even mentioned my mother.
Dr: Well, there is no use in denying your desire – suppressing your feelings has led you to the miserable state you’re in, which, again, has led you here. Thus, sojourn wasting your time denying it, if you want this session to be productive!
P: But it’s simply not true! You don’t know my mother, how should you know something like that?!
Dr: My dear patient. You’re paying me 150£ for this one-hour session and, pray, this money is justified! I have been studying the power of the unconscious for more than 20 years by now, so you would do well to just trust me. Otherwise those 150£ have been an utter waste, indeed.
P: But it seems so… unreasonable. I don’t even have a close relationship to my mother, I barely see her more than once a year…
P: Well, most of my childhood I spent fighting with her over minor matters and I most certainly never had an intention to sleep with her!
Dr: You mean you think you never had an intention.
P: Isn’t that the same?
Dr: Alas, no! Seriously, have you read none of my books?
P: Um, not really… But what the hell??? I came here to talk to you about my terrible depression over the meaninglessness of life and now you start telling things about me and my mother. My inexistent desire to bed her has nothing to do with my depression. On the contrary, it is partly due to my mother’s cruelty that I am in this wretched state. Her endless ambition concerning my career, the disappointment when I dropped out of college and the wall of cold indifference she always encounters me with. Whereas all I ever craved for was some warmth and kindness… Just one hug, one kiss…
He silences himself in order to control his upcoming emotions.
Dr: Continue, please.
P: (With an air of uncertainty) I’ve always thought I don’t care about my mum anymore. And now I discover I might bear incestuous feelings for her…
Seeking for help he looks towards Dr Freud. He, however, only gives him an earnest glance.
P: (Very carefully) Could it be that in all this time of heartbreak and sorrow… I’ve just wanted to fuck my mum?
Dr: Well, obviously!
P: Then, I’m actually not an unmanly loser who’s unable to cope with adult life but rather an incestuous wretch?
Dr: Science would agree with that.
P: But that’s – terrible!
Dr: From another perspective, however, one can state that you came here crying and whining over the lack of meaning in your life and being caught in some vicious circle of depression and now you’ve come to the conclusion that your biggest problem is actually that you want to have coitus with your mother. I’d say it’s easier to prevent the latter from happening than to overcome some neurosis. In that way, you’ve gotten yourself rid of a lot of problems!
P: Yes… that’s actually true! I suppose that I can keep myself from raping my own mum… and on Christmas I’ll be able to act like normal… From that angle, I’m really not as badly off as I thought!
P: I can’t even believe it! So many new opportunities! It even has a certain ring to it – secretly wanting to bed my mum! Do you think I could go to a strip club tonight?
Dr: Indeed you can. And I recommend you to find a stripper who distinctly resembles your mother!
P: Exhilarated That’s just fantastic! I feel so incredibly free! Free to start my new life as a clandestine motherfucker!
Dr: Congratulations, you’re benefitting from the blessings of psychoanalysis!