A Glossary of Fake Literary Terms, Vol. I

M. H. Abram, G. G. Harpam

authentism: 1. The authentic depiction or description of autism. 2. An author’s disease resulting in growing to the height of a tree, aka Fanghornwriteritis.

bromantic: 1. The combination of a brother, a man, and half a Tic Tac. 2. A small flea that inhabits a broman.

decimeter: A tenth of a poem’s meter.

diagestic: 1. The perspective adapted by one or more hungry characters in a text, especially in a text involving two characters. 2. Anat. one expressive facial gesture shared by two faces, or made by two faces simultaneously. 3. Rare: one face expressing two facial gestures simultaneously.

felicious argumentation: A rhetorical mechanism used at times of celebration, e.g. Christmas time.

heterophobia: 1. The conscious or unconscious omission of any sort of reference to heterogeneous matters. 2. Rare: one-sidedness.

idealogy: 1. The study of ideas. 2. Rare: the ideal study. 3. Extremely rare: the study of ideals.

idiosynchronization: The real or imagined gathering of two or more poorly educated people.

inkohearent: Generally used as an insult for the elderly; derived from hearing deficiencies caused from too much ink. Especially popular for regular attendants of read aloud poetry.

intenticity: An intentionally built city. The builder’s intention does not actually matter, though.

intertextuality: 1. The charges applied for sending text messages internationally. 2. Referring to any characters named “uality” within a text.

inzest: The content of the Zurich English Student; in some cases used synonymously for “bunch of lies” or “complete fake”.

melanjolly: A literary trait that is characterized by severe mood swings.

metronymy: 1. A metonymy uttered underground. 2. The misfortune of having been named after a city.

paragraphic content: 1. Violent and/or profane contents of a paragraph of a text. 2. Expressing a sentiment of happiness in paragraph form.

paraphrantic: A panicky recount of a previously uttered statement.

pathetic phallus: A penis or phallic symbol of small size, usually compared to arbitrary standards.

pointoutilism: Any art movement that delivers a very obvious message.

sendrhyme: 1. A poem that is delivered via mail or email. 2. Rare: a rhyming message in a bottle.

similey: A visual representation of a simile, often conveyed through punctuation.

splintertextuality: The process of freezing a text (commonly by the use of liquid nitrogen) and consequently shattering it with a hammer or similar instrument.

totalitalian: Entirely Italian in origin, accent, or appearance, often used to characterize members of the mob in literature.

traumatic monologue: A highly disturbing genre of literature that involves a single speaker.

transcessive: 1. Simultaneously being cessive in several places, realms, areas, etc. at the same time. 2. Rare: being very, very cessive.

utropia: Good use of figurative language.

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