True Story, Bro (I Know We’re Not Related)

Raph al Guul

All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coinc- okay, I couldn’t say that with a straight face…

Right now, out there somewhere, a teenage boy is staring at his high school crush’s Twitter feed. He does not have the courage to approach her in person and tell her about how she makes his entire body tingle just by smiling at him. However, he thinks that if he studies her from a distance for long enough, reading all of her little tweets over and over again, he will eventually learn how to go about it.

Right now, out there somewhere, a man in his thirties is downloading the latest episode of White Collar. He likes the show, but it’s not one of his favorites. He certainly wouldn’t download it if he had to pay for it. But if it’s free, it’s good enough for him. So, despite the considerable amount of deposable income he has, he unscrupulously takes what cost a fortune as well as the blood, sweat, and tears of many men and women to create.

Right now, out there somewhere, a young man by the name of Eric is looking at his own Facebook profile. He notices that he has 267 friends. That’s odd, because he used to have 268. From a list of almost 300 people, many of which Eric has never met or even talked to, one person is missing. It is very important to find out what that person’s name is.

Right now, out there somewhere, two friends are enjoying a conversation on Skype. Todd, being a bit of a funnyman, makes a joke. Jerry reads it and thinks that it’s quite entertaining. While calmly taking a zip from his cup of tea, he types the response “roflmfao” to indicate that he is rolling on the floor, laughing his fucking ass off.

Right now, out there somewhere, the music video of a young singer just received its first comment on YouTube. It was posted by t5h3rc99 and it reads “dis suxx ballz”. Several people around the world register this comment’s existence. They all consider it extremely crucial to educate a random stranger whose age probably does not exceed 14 years on the importance of politeness, vocabulary, and orthography in a context that has nothing to do with neither their nor t5h3rc99’s existence.

Right now, out there somewhere, a previously healthy relationship is falling to pieces. She does not think it’d be fair to just never talk to him again, though. The way she sees it, he at least deserves to know that it’s over. She sends him an email telling him that they’re breaking up.

Right now, out there somewhere, a fierce battle is going on between two opposing factions in an online shooter. One of the soldiers – he goes by the name of pwnR – is killed by an enemy player with a superior play style. PwnR is quite enraged by this event and discovers that the real reason for his untimely demise was the lack of cooperation on part of all the other players on his team. A grown man playing a game is now typing “you fukcing cunts ihope you all get cancr” on his keyboard.

2 thoughts on “True Story, Bro (I Know We’re Not Related)

  1. darren

    excellent piece……many espouse over the triviality of the net and and how it’s replacing real social connection with faux-riendships….. and basically we all know it.
    It’s hard to listen to people repeating these same ideas over and over – as if they are the first to have the thought……but when it’s written into a narrative, written-well and with great imagery, then it’s very easy to read….great piece!

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