10 Things Your PC Might Say to You – And What They Really Mean

Raph al Guul

Hope everybody’s break is going well. Here’s a random, picture-heavy post you might care to read while you’re tanning in the Caribbean or skiing down any or all snowy mountains. Plus: if you’re using a Windows PC, this is some free knowledge that most likely won’t benefit you whatsoever.

We all know the phenomenon: every now and then, your oh-so-smart PC decides to express itself in needlessly esoteric language. Here are ten things your personal computer might say to you – and what they really mean:

Until now I was quite certain that you were stealing from Microsoft. Phew! Turns out you are not a scumbag.

Until now I was quite certain that you were stealing from Microsoft. Phew! Turns out you are not a scumbag.

I would like to hog your internet connection and memory for a while.

I would like to hog your internet connection and memory for a while.

I am now hogging your internet connection and memory. If you wish, you can stare at the percentage of progress refusing to change for half an hour.

I am now hogging your internet connection and memory. If you wish, you can stare at the percentage of progress refusing to change for half an hour.

I have no idea how much longer this is going to take. But it might be 60 seconds.

I have no idea how much longer this is going to take. But it might be 60 seconds.

Thanks for taking the first step in whoring yourself out to Apple Inc. Now would be a good time to give them your money by buying music, a Mac, a PC (that's not too important, though), an iPad, an iPhone, and an iPod.

Thanks for taking the first step in whoring yourself out to Apple Inc. Now would be a good time to give them your money by buying music, a Mac, an iPad, an iPhone, and an iPod. (PCs also work.)

You clicked "delete". But I am not going to do that. Instead, I'll present you with a choice that has nothing to do with deleting whatsoever and act like that's what you were trying to do in the first place.

You clicked “delete”. But I am not going to do that. Instead, I’ll present you with a choice that has nothing to do with deleting anything whatsoever and act like that’s what you were trying to do in the first place.

Tick this box to progress through the menu.

Tick this box to progress through the menu.

I have no idea what file you just downloaded here, but I'm gonna assume that you don't, either. So please delete it right away. If you don't, you will be responsible for any future damage to your computer, any bad weather, and all occurences of dog-bites.

I have no idea what sort of file you just downloaded here, but I’m gonna assume that you don’t, either. So please delete it right away. If you don’t, you will be responsible for any future damage to your computer, any bad weather, and all occurences of dog-bites.

Ahh! No! Please! God no!

Ahh! No! Please! God no!

You are royally fucked.

You are royally fucked.

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3 responses to “10 Things Your PC Might Say to You – And What They Really Mean

  1. I dislike Apple as much as anyone but I really do like iTunes, not least because it’s free.

    “I might be able to get an iPhone without giving any money to Apple. I’ll be living the dream!”

  2. Great guide and explanation of sometimes vague computer messages! Enjoyed 🙂

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