(Meta-)Complaintive Gibberish

Raph al Guul

Remember my little rant on ZEST-etiquette and how you can’t just call people names on the internet? I’m going to be singing a different tune for now. Well, not actually singing – THAT would be truly offensive.

People are basically idiots. Sure, every now and then you get the exceptional genius, but mostly, people are idiots. Leave it to the human race to overpopulate a planet and then wonder why, suddenly, they are facing serious problems staying alive. People are idiots who like to complain about their own shortcomings. Think of the highbrow, self-important rich guy sitting at the bountiful dinner table of his fancy palace on his rich continent shouting, at the top of his lungs: “Hey! Africans! Fuck less! You don’t have the food!” And then he contently and thoroughly (his mommy taught him that) chews his steak: medium-rare, just as he likes it.

Everybody always complains and the three people who are actually doing something about it are getting into a bit of a jam. “Hey, guys, we get that you’re not particularly happy with- Yes. Yes Mrs. Crabtree, your neighbors always turn up the television too loud. Yes, we will make it a priority as soon as we get the hang of this starvation thing.” Three people against the whole world and its problems. And all other people are idiots and they don’t get it. Even if they live in a nice, cozy little country, where the water is clear and the sky is the limit – which also implies that there is water and a sky in the first place, think about that for a second – even if they have their house and their food and their occasional summer holiday fling to maybe get lucky with, even then, people will find things to complain about.

You have to be one bad-ass idiot if you can’t live a life that doesn’t give you trouble. If you have to make up complaints, you’re doing it wrong. Your healthy body – admittedly, slowly decaying due to the process of aging, but that is not a valid complaint to make by any life-form with an expiration date – allows you to navigate almost anywhere? Raise hell if there’s no elevator! You have just been served a tasty meal that will provide the nutritional value equivalent to the energy you require to operate properly for two days straight? It’s not spicy enough! Best make it a point not to eat that meal altogether. You can afford it and that ought to show them. Not putting enough chili in your food – who do these people think they are? And when you board a vehicular carriage that is designed to transport large amounts of people all across the globe in a reasonably comfortable, affordable, and ecologically acceptable fashion, be sure to complain about not getting the window seat, too.

Now, there is one specific type of people who I have consciously avoided talking about so far. It’s a little unpleasant to bring them up, but I’d be amiss if I didn’t. Those people are idiots and complain a lot, as well. People who think anybody gave a rat’s ass about their ridiculous little problems, their minor complaints which are manifest in textual form; they write thoroughly obnoxious rants about how everybody is always complaining, and they don’t realize that all they’re doing is complaining about complaints, themselves. I am a meta-idiot. I complain and I don’t do anything about it, either. Another addition to the agenda of those three people. Get Raph to shut the fuck up about complaining, he’s annoying everybody.


5 responses to “(Meta-)Complaintive Gibberish

  1. Fantastic. Now I can leave for my train (on which I will most possibly not get a window seat. Dammit!) with a smile on my face. I hope those three people won’t get to shut you up too soon, but then again, I don’t see the need to worry, as I imagine them to have more pressing points on their agenda than chasing after the odd meta-idiot.

  2. Maybe you can start a therapy group with Calvin: http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/1994/01/14

  3. Pingback: The Zurich English Student Podcast #2 | The Zurich English Student

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